iThink Cupid is Stupid
by RockDiva
Summary: A special guest on a Valentine's Day edition of iCarly brings chaos when Carly, Sam, Freddie and Spencer drink his homemade smoothie blend called Arrowmantic Surprise. Slightly shippy but out of humor with probably nothing definite in the end.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note** - Hey, there fellow fanfictioners :) I've been lurking through the iCarly section for awhile now and decided I had a few ideas of my own I should try to pen. This first one is a Valentine's Day one that has a little bit of every non-slash ship I personally think possible, even one that I don't think has been mentioned yet, but I could be wrong in that. So that's just as a heads up since one (possibly two though I've seen it done on here) might be a little put offish or bizarre.

Also, if you like detailed writing, I'm warning you now, you might want to look elsewhere. I'm first and foremost a dialogue writer since I generally write screenplays. For me, when writing fanfiction for a show people watch, there's not much need to describe in detail the performer's actions for things they've seen a million times. For example, you should already know how Carly and Sam jump off and on the camera to the point I don't need to describe those actions in too much detail. Sorry, I guess I'm just lazy like that :P

As for rating, I usually rate higher since each person has a different set of moral code. The show is on TEEN Nick so I went with T (even though it's rated Y7...) but doubt it will ever be anything more than what is allowed on the series for real.

_Disclaimer_ - I don't own iCarly and I don't claim to be funny in anything that I write.

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**Chapter 1**

"Hey there iCarly lovers," Carly began the intro to their webcast. "Don't ya just love loving love?"

"Wow, Carly, that's so much love I might puke," Sam chimed in. "Did Freddie scramble your brain waves or something?" Sam smirked at Freddie who stood behind the camera returning the smirk with a "will you ever stop?" look on his face.

"No, Sam, you know why. It's to get all of our iCarly viewers in the mood for…"

"VALENTINE'S DAY!" the girls said in unison which was followed by the sound of cheers as Sam pushed the button on her sound effects remote.

"That's right, folks, the biggest day for gaga eyes and chocolate consuming is this coming Monday, so we thought we would celebrate with an all V-Day webcast," Carly explained in her usual peppy manner.

"Whoa whoa whoa," Sam stopped her. "Don't you mean SA Day?"

"What's SA Day?" Freddie asked in confusion.

"Single Awareness Day," Carly and Sam answered, again in unison.

"And Sam's right," Carly spoke again, "This show will not only feature segments for those who aren't single, but also segments for those who will be celebrating SA Day instead."

"Good, because I'm ready to kick off my segment," Sam jumped in and pushed a button on her remote. The words **10 Reasons I Hate Cupid** flashed across the screen accompanied by a jingle. "That's right, I hate Cupid. Stupid little, diaper wearing nub. And here are my top ten reasons why. Number 10, why is he wearing just a diaper? That's not even romantic! Number 9, he shoots arrows for the love of ham. Someone should arrest him for assault and battery. Confiscate his arrows and clip his wings! Number 8, because of him, I have to go about a month only seeing pink and red. Those colors are fine and all, but an entire month is enough to make me hurl. Number 7, flower allergies, enough said. Number 6, hearts do not look like that people! Number 5, people waste their money on a relationship that probably won't last anyways. Number 4, if Cupid doesn't assault you with his arrows by V-Day you'll be labeled a bigger loser than any other day of the year. Number 3, why roses? Here, have a red rose and OH MY GAWD did I just slice off your finger!? Number 2, chocolate makes me break out, buy me cheese or meat instead, that's real indulgence food. And finally, Number 1, Freddie is a nerd."

"Hey! What does that have to do with Cupid or Valentine's Day?" Freddie yelled from behind the camera.

"Because Cupid is probably the reason your parents fell in love and decided to have a Freddie," Sam answered as though it were a logical explanation for the matter.

"Alright," Carly stepped in before anything else could be said. "thanks Sam for starting off the show so bitterly," Carly smiled with her eyebrows raised in skepticism.

"No problem!"

"Okay, next up, my brother Spencer is going to join us. He has made an interactive sculpture in honor of Valentine's Day. Come on out, Spencer!"

Spencer came out wheeling a giant sculpted replica of the heart with several note cards pinned all over it. "Hi everybody! And before I forget, Sam is definitely right about the heart looking nothing at all like those boxes of chocolates. It looks like this! Tada!" Spencer held out his hands towards his newest creation as he stood beside it.

"So the human heart is covered with push pins and note cards?" Carly asked, jokingly taking Spencer's words literally.

"Well, no, not the note cards and push pins," Spencer answered slowly. "Those are part of the design because this sculpture is called _Wise Heart_. Why you ask?"

"Not really, but tell us anyways," Sam said unenthusiastically, although she meant it more playfully than hurtfully.

"Okay, well on each one of these cards is written fool proof ways to win the heart of the person you love. Little nuggets of wisdom if you will," Spencer explained.

"Really!?" The camera shook up and down as Freddie rushed over to the sculpture. "Here, hold this!" Freddie shoved the camera into Spencer's hands and pulled off one of the note cards, "Get ready to love me, Carly Shay." Carly and Sam shared a baffled look as Freddie read the card aloud. "Roll yourself in grease and flower petals and publicly perform an interpretive dance proclaiming your love." Freddie studied it for a few seconds and then looked at Carly as suavely as possible. "So, Carly, got any grease?"

"Freddie," Carly rolled her eyes with a small smile at his stupidity. "Doing that won't make me love you. At all."

"No, but it might make me love you," Sam added. "So go ahead, give it a try. Spencer, make sure the camera's rolling on this," Sam instructed.

"See, they work!" Spencer exclaimed with utter glee.

"No they don't!" Freddie retorted. "It doesn't count if they attract the wrong person."

"What? So you're saying I'm not worth attracting like Carly is? Is that it?" Sam argued with Freddie, closing the space as Freddie cowered a little.

"Well, I uh, no, I mean, uh, what kind of petals would you like?" Freddie asked nervously.

"Okay, you two, break it up. We're still live," Carly returned everyone's focus to the webcast as Freddie took his place back behind the camera and Spencer took his sculpture and stood off to the side. "In case you're wondering, that was part of a new segment called uh, **Disproving Love Myths**. That's right, opposites do NOT always attract. So if you are a bunny loving cheerleader, it's probably best you don't try to hook up with a bunny hating emo kid, no offense to either."

"Amen," Sam went along with her friend's attempt to laugh off the incident as they continued on with the remaining segments of the broadcast. "So what are we going to do for our big finale, Carly?" Sam finally asked as the show wound down.

"I'm very glad you asked, Sam. Okay, web watchers, we have a neighbor from downstairs who is a self-proclaimed love doctor who's here to give all of you some pointers on catching or keeping your S.O.S."

"Aww, someone special," Sam made a puppy dog face close to the camera and traced an air heart with her fingers.

"Come on out, Dr. Blub," Carly cheered while Sam, Freddie and Spencer tried to hold back laughter at the sound of the guy's name.

"I'm glad to be here, Carly, Sam," the guy, only about a few years older than Spencer, said as he joined them on camera. "As you know, I've helped several people in their quest for true love. Just last week, I was the best man for a wedding for a couple I brought together."

"Wow, pretty cool for a guy who really isn't a doctor," Sam said sarcastically.

"I am too, Sam. I'm a loooooove doctor," Dr. Blub responded.

"Yeah, but you just give love advice based on probably little to no experience," Sam didn't even miss a beat.

"I most certainly do not just give advice," he defended. "In fact, I have my own guaranteed love inducing smoothie. It's called Arrowmantic Surprise. Get it? A romantic surprise? Arrows? Cupid?"

"You obviously missed my Cupid segment," Sam eyed him, visibly annoyed by the man.

"So, what are you saying?" Carly kept the show on subject. "You have a love potion in smoothie form?"

"Pretty much," Dr. Blub nodded his head. "It's made of an exact blend of love-inducing fruits and boosts. One smoothie will send you on your way to falling head over heels for the person already in your heart whether you know it or not."

"What a load of crud," Sam refused to go along with it.

"You still don't believe me? I will prove it to you!" Dr. Blub looked around the room hysterically, "All of you! I'll go make you some smoothies and you'll see for yourself!"

"Okay, that man is weird," Carly said into the camera, an odd expression on her face.

"And delusional," Sam added. "It's a good thing I like any kind of smoothie."

"Right you are, Sam. But unfortunately, that's all the time we have, so sorry to the people at home, you won't be able to see what happens," Carly apologized sincerely.

"But don't worry, as you all know, you won't miss anything too important," Sam chimed in, "since we know there's no way it's going to work."

"Still, we can't just leave the fans hanging," Carly retorted. "So we'll keep the camera rolling and we'll add it to our bonus footage link, so don't forget to visit ! So until next time…"

"HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! WHOO!!" Carly and Sam waved and then danced a little as Freddie faded them out.

"And it's a wrap," Freddie stopped the webcast, opened a new recording and set the camera on a stand to keep rolling as Carly had promised. "So are we really going to drink these smoothies?" He asked as he joined the other three.

"Hello, it's a free smoothie," Sam answered as if the decision was final.

"Sam's right," Carly agreed. "I could use a smoothie right now, and free makes it sound even better. Besides, like Sam said, we know it's not really going to do anything."

"Now, as the responsible adult I think it might not be smart for us to drink strange smoothies given to us by a strange man," Spencer reasoned.

"You can use a crazy straw," Sam offered as a compromise.

"Yay, I LOVE crazy straws!" Spencer responded excitedly as they waited for Dr. Blub to return. "They're just so crazy."

"That they are," the others pretended to be just as enthusiastic as Spencer was. Just then, Dr. Blub re-entered with a tray of smoothies. As he did, Spencer rushed out, almost knocking the tray from Dr. Blub's hands, and down the stairs.

"Where's he going?" Dr. Blub asked trying to stabilize the tray.

"To get his crazy straw," Carly answered.

"Okay," the man held out the tray for them to grab their smoothies and in record time, Spencer came rushing back into the room and grabbed his smoothie as well. "Drink it up, you doubting Thomas's but that blend is scientifically guaranteed to work."

"It's also scientifically delicious!" Sam said as she swallowed. "Man, for a crazy man you sure can make smoothies."

"Wow!" Carly exclaimed as she followed in taking her first drink. "This is amazing. Who needs a cheap gimmick when the smoothie tastes as good as this?"

They all "yummed" and nodded as they finished their smoothies. "Dude, that was probably the best smoothie ever. Definitely worthy of the crazy straw," Spencer said between slurps as he tried to get every last bit on the bottom.

"Whoa, guys, wait…" Sam suddenly stopped them and put her hand on her head. "Guys, I feel weird. I don't know; everything's a little blurry." They immediately set down their cups and hurried over to her while Dr. Blub looked on with anticipation. "Freddie, I…I…Freddie, I love you."

"What!?" Freddie jumped back in disgust.

"Kiss me, Freddie," Sam continued in a monotone voice. "Kiss me and I'll…I'll have to beat you like a piñata," Sam's voice returned to normal as she started to laugh. Carly nudged her friend in the ribs but couldn't help but laugh to as they saw the still disgusted look on Freddie's face.

"That was meaner than the time you emailed me and told me Carly was going to have a restraining order put on me," Freddie crossed his arms angrily.

"You told him about the restraining order?" Carly looked at Sam in shock.

"You mean it was true?!" Freddie turned in surprise to Carly.

"Of course it wasn't true," Carly answered in exasperation of Freddie's gullibility.

"But I think she mentioned it once," Spencer added his two cents.

"Hey, guys," Sam interrupted their conversation. "What happened to Dr. No Nothing Blubber?" They looked around and noticed their cups, including Spencer's straw, were missing.

"Okay, that's freaky. He didn't even say anything. He just vanished," Carly exchanged an confused, slightly disturbed glance with her friends.

"And he took my straw!" Spencer exclaimed loudly and then dropped his face into his hands. "He took my crazy straw."

"It's alright," Carly patted her brother on the back, "we'll get you a new one. Okay?"

"Okay."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note** - Another chapter :) Okay, I have a quick question: what day of the week is the webcast? Because in some episodes it seems like it's on Saturday, but in others it seems like it's on Friday...I is very confuzzled...in any case, I went with the V-Day webcast in the previous chapter as being held on Saturday, in order to make this chapter and the next one or two take place on Sunday (after all..."church pants" :D).

And I just want to say thank you all for such wonderful reviews! I love reading them and hearing what you all have to say. Now on to the chapter, but first don't forget, "dot net is for losers." Maybe someone should tell the maintainers of this site...

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Chapter 2

"Freddie, I love you." The sound of Sam's voice looped over and over again as Freddie sat in his dark room staring at his laptop.

"It's almost like she means it," Freddie said, more contentment in his voice than he expected would be there. "Does she mean it? Do I want her to mean it?"

He finally let it play a little further, "Kiss me, Freddie." Freddie suddenly felt his heart do a slight jump.

"What the…?" Freddie was about to question the reason he would respond in such a way to Sam but before he could a light came on outside his room and there was a pounding on the door.

"Fredward Benson, you open this door right now!" It was Mrs. Benson. Not even the lowness of the volume on Freddie's computer could keep her from hearing the words "Kiss me, Freddie" and send her into a frenzy similar to a mother bear's. "You know the rules, Freddie! How could you do something like this!? Freddie, you open this door or you'll break my heart forever," Mrs. Benson knew how to get her son to respond and as requested the door began to open. But she didn't wait for the whole door to open before barging in. "Where is she? Where are you trying to hide her?"

"WHAT are you talking about?" Freddie turned on his light and looked at his mom in bewilderment.

"Don't lie to me, Fredward. I heard a girl's voice in hear. And I even more specifically heard her say…" Before Mrs. Benson could finish, Freddie held up his laptop and played Sam saying "Kiss me, Freddie" for his mom to hear.

"I couldn't sleep so I was just replaying the webcast," Freddie tried to explain before his mom chose to lock him in his room, or worse some kind of bubble, for the rest of his life. "It was a Valentine's Day special and Sam was just messing around for the audience's enjoyment."

"Well, certainly not my enjoyment," Mrs. Benson said as she recomposed herself. "But if it's just a joke, and it's only Sam then I guess I have nothing to worry about. But you should be asleep do you hear me? Growing boys need at least 8 hours of sleep and not a minute less."

"Mom…" Freddie groaned. He wished she still didn't treat him like he was five.

"No sassing me, I mean it," Mrs. Benson commanded as she turned off the light and shut the door behind her as she left.

Freddie sighed, relenting to his mom's somewhat dictatorial ways. He put away his laptop and lay back down in his bed. Still, sleep didn't come as easily as his mom expected it to. He stared at the ceiling, thinking about the webcast, Sam and what his mom had said. If it's only Sam… "Is it only Sam?"

--The Next Morning--

"Morning sunshine!" Sam let herself into the Shay apartment using the key she had copied from Carly's.

"AHHH!" Spencer hit his head inside of the refrigerator. He closed it and slowly turned around as he rubbed the back of his head. "Ouch, I…Sam?" He looked down and realized he was still in just a t-shirt and boxers. "Uh, you're here a little early aren't you?" he asked nervously, trying to remain behind the island where she wouldn't see him.

"Aww, it's never too early to say good morning to you, Spencer," a huge smile crossed Sam's face that seemed genuine enough.

"Wow, since when did you become a morning person?" Spencer became distracted by the change in Sam's demeanor to the point that he forgot about his boxer dilemma and walked out into the open. Of course the new smirk on Sam's face brought Spencer back to the moment. "Aww, man! Don't look. Hurry upstairs or something."

"Relax, Spencer," Sam laughed as she talked. "I've seen you in your boxers before. Of course, these are much better. I didn't know you liked The Littlest Unicorn," Sam moved closer, but Spencer instantly retreated back behind the island, attempting to get away to his room.

"Uh, no, I don't, I just…they were a gift from a girlfriend in college. Kind of a gag gift of sorts and I, uh…" Spencer slowly moved around the island as he spoke.

"A what?" The smile disappeared from Sam's face and her eyebrows furrowed. "What kind of stupid girlfriend gets her boyfriend a pair of girly boxers? Someone should find that chick and teach her a lesson."

"Ooookay…yeah, well, that's not really necessary, Sam, but thanks, I guess," Spencer looked at her, partially intimidated by her sudden temper change and partially baffled by her reaction. Before anything else could be said, Freddie came rushing into the apartment. "Oh look, Freddie's here!" Spencer pointed and as Sam turned her head to look, he made a dash for his room.

"Spencer?" Sam looked like she was disappointed that Spencer was gone. "See what you did?" she turned her wrath towards Freddie now.

"I'm sorry. I just heard your voice from across the hall and decided to, you know, come over," Freddie said a little shyly.

"Wow, desperate to get away from mommy already?" Sam rolled her eyes and plopped down on the couch.

"You're one to talk," Freddie spat back but to Sam's surprise he covered his mouth in regret. "No, Sam, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean that."

"Sure you did," Sam eyed him weirdly. "You and I go back and forth all the time."

"I know, but I was thinking," Freddie fumbled for words. "And maybe we shouldn't fight so much. I really don't mind being around you," Freddie sat down on the couch next to Sam and casually snaked his arm around her shoulders. "In fact, I think I might actually enjoy being around you."

"Whoa now? What's going on here?" Spencer re-entered the room, now more decently clothed.

"It's not what you think!" Sam threw Freddie's arm off of her and stood to her feet quickly. "He started it!"

"So then Freddie has finally gotten over his mildly disturbing, impossible crush on my baby sister?" Spencer looked at Freddie who sat on the couch with a deterred look on his face. "Good for you, Fredd-o. Well, don't let me stop you. Well, actually, yeah, I probably should stop you."

"Why!?" Freddie asked frantically.

"Because maybe he's jealous," Sam taunted Freddie, while it seemed she was hoping it was true, which made Freddie look at Spencer with wide eyes.

"No, because it's called adult supervision. Just doing my job," Spencer answered as he started to pull out the ingredients he needed to make some breakfast.

"Wow, that is very mature," Sam complimented. "It's so hard to find guys who take their responsibilities so seriously."

"I do!" Freddie protested from where he still sat.

Sam ignored him. "So, Spencer, in four years I'll be 18."

"Right…" an odd expression crossed Spencer's face as he pulled out some eggs and laid them in a big bowl.

"So how old will you be?" Sam already knew but wanted to hear it from him.

"Uh, 30 and I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with this conversation."

"Wow, so you'll still be really young," Sam smiled enthusiastically.

"Um, yeah, I guess 30 isn't what people call old, but, I don't know why you're asking and…uh…CARLY! Sam and Freddie are here!" Spencer yelled in panic as he began cracking the eggs furiously.

"Here let me help you!" Sam pushed her way between Spencer and the island and began cracking eggs too as Freddie crossed his arms and glared at the two from the couch.

Meanwhile, Carly quickly made her way down the stairs but stopped at the landing and stared at the back of Freddie's head. She pulled some lip gloss out of her pocket and touched up her lips, which were clearly still freshly glossed. She then fluffed her hair with her hands. "Hi, Freddie!" she waved at him as he turned and looked at her.

"Oh, hey, Carly," Freddie seemed highly uninterested.

Carly gave a hurt pout as she came down the rest of the stairs. She followed Freddie's glare and saw her brother and Sam, still very close, in the kitchen. "What's going on here!?" For a moment it seemed like Carly was back to her normal self.

"Oh hey, Carly," Sam said nonchalantly.

Spencer on the other hand moved as far away from his little sister's best friend as he could, glad for Carly's help. "She insisted on helping me make breakfast," he said as he walked over to Carly and mouthed, "please make her stop!"

Freddie read Spencer's lips and suddenly became hopeful. "Yeah, Carly, make her stop. She should be over here relaxing, not in there slaving over a meal."

"Oh really?" Carly turned in an unusual jealous manner. "And do you expect me to slave over the meal instead?"

"I didn't say that! I only meant that poor Sam…" Freddie started but Carly and Sam both cut him off.

"Poor Sam!?" the girls shouted simultaneously, both for different reasons.

"The only thing poor about Sam is her behavior," Carly tried reasoning with Freddie.

"Don't listen to either of them, Spencer," Sam defended herself. "Not only am I getting better with my emotional constipation, but I really don't mind slaving over a meal. I like to cook as much as you do."

"Since when?" Freddie asked in disbelief. "Cooking involves work, and you hate work."

"Exactly," Carly chimed in on Freddie's side. "She hates work. What a lazy…"

"Hey now," Freddie backed up and pointed his finger at Carly. "I wasn't implying she's a lazy anything. She's good at whatever she does."

"Oh, please," Carly snapped her head backwards flippantly and rolled her eyes. "She's not even the real star of iCarly. She could leave the show for good and no one would even care."

"Spencer would care! Wouldn't you Spence?" Sam looked at Carly's older brother for reassurance.

"Yeah, of course, but I…" Spencer started to say but didn't finish.

"I would care too!" Freddie shouted.

"Okay, something is very wrong here," Spencer carefully backed away from the bickering teens. "Carly likes Freddie, Freddie likes Sam, Sam likes…well, I don't really get who Sam likes and now they're all fighting over…"

"Freddie Benson, why are you not ready yet?" Mrs. Benson let herself in, all dressed up for church.

"…Mrs. Bens-s-s-s-s…"

"Hello, Spencer," she acknowledged Spencer's awkward stuttering and then turned her attention back to dragging her son away from the Shay apartment. "You know the rules. No seeing your friends before church unless they're coming too."

"I want to go to church, Mrs. Benson!" Carly spoke up excitedly.

"Who wants to go to ch…" Sam started.

"Me too!" Spencer raised his hand.

"Count me in!" Sam changed her mind immediately.

"All of you want to go to church?" Mrs. Benson looked a little hesitant. "You too, Sam?"

"Mom!" Freddie's mouth fell open. "You can't treat Sam like that. God loves Samantha Puckett and so should we," Freddie gave an infatuated glance towards Sam as he said it.

"Okay, well, if you can all be ready within the next twenty minutes or so, I suppose…"

"YAY!" Spencer jumped up and down, and Mrs. Benson just looked at him in disbelief before grabbing Freddie's arm and dragging him back to their apartment.

"Aww, I just realized I don't have anything to wear," Sam looked sadly at Spencer.

"I'm sure Carly has something you can borrow," Spencer suggested and looked at his sister.

"Oh yes," Carly forced a smile. "I have just the thing."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Note** - Sorry it took so long. School is back in session and so my life is officially back to lame! Actually, I find myself having more time to write than I originally expected. My economics class is such a bore, so, instead of taking notes, I write this! I actually have chapter 4 halfway done already too! Okay, now I have another huge question, has Mrs. Benson's first name ever been given? For now, I went with Barbara. If that's not correct, and someone knows her first name, please let me know so I can edit her name!

Again, thanks for the reviews! It keeps me writing. Well, that and I want to know what's going to happen!

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**Chapter 3**

Sam couldn't believe what she was wearing. Carly had given her a hideous purple dress with a non-complimentary orange sash around the waste and polkadotted cuffed sleeves. There was a reason she had never seen Carly wear it herself before. "Something tells me it was only a little too convenient you had no other dress I could wear," Sam said as she and Carly waited in the living room for Spencer to finish getting ready and for Freddie and his mom to hurry them out the door.

"And why would you even think that?" Carly asked innocently. "You're my best friend, Sam. When you suffer, I suffer." Carly placed her hand on Sam's shoulder convincingly.

"I guess," Sam eyed her suspiciously. "But I can't help but get the feeling that this whole day has been completely different than normal."

"Now that you mention it," Carly shook her head for a moment. "I think you're right. I honestly don't know why I'm standing here in a dress waiting to go to church with...Freddie," Carly smiled, going back to her unusual self.

"And I never thought I'd see the day I'd wear the ugliest dress I've seen in my life just for some man," Sam shook her head in shame.

"Aha! So there is a man!?" Carly jumped back and pointed her finger in blame towards her friend.

"Well, duh!" Sam answered sarcastically and not even remotely embarrassed. "It's not like I was trying to keep it some big secret or anything."

"Sam Puckett, if you even think about..." Carly started to warn her friend but was interrupted when Spencer came rushing out of his room.

"Hey guys, I'm ready and whoa!" Spencer stopped and looked at Sam a bit strangely. It was odd enough seeing her in a dress, let alone a completely ridiculous looking dress. "You made her wear the dress grandad gave you last Christmas?"

"You know I don't have church appropriate dresses," Carly tried to defend herself. "I couldn't find anything else that would fit her just right. It's not like I'm all too happy in this get up either!" Carly was wearing a much more flattering baby blue Sunday style sundress.

"Yeah, way to suffer, Carls," Sam wasn't sure she was buying it after Carly jumped on her about there being a man she was trying to impress. "So do you think I can pull this off?" Sam asked, turning her attention to Spencer.

"Well, I, uh...wow...I don't know. That dress is pretty ugly..." Spencer said honestly as he looked at it, but then he noticed the hurt expression on Sam's face. "Uh, oh, uh, I mean, of course you can! You're beautiful just like Carly, and either of you can pull off anything you wear. Even dresses that look like a plum and orange smoothie," Spencer added the last bit under his breath. There was a knock on the door and he quickly answered it, opening it to find, as expected, Freddie and Mrs. Benson.

"No time for chit chat!" Mrs. Benson said before turning on her heel.

"You heard it ladies," Spencer nodded his head towards the direction Mrs. Benson was walking and followed her out.

"Wow! You. Look. Amazing!" Freddie said in awe.

"Why thank you, Freddie," Carly smiled and twirled a strand of hair.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, you do too, Carly. But I meant Sam," Freddie wanted to be sure Sam knew he had meant her.

"What?" Sam looked at Freddie in slight confusion. "Seriously? Are you feeling alright?"

"Never better," Freddie answered.

"Because you do know I look like a purple people eater?" Sam looked down at her dress again and then looked at Carly who shrugged her shoulders. "Let's just go. Spencer, wait up!" Sam hurried past Carly and Freddie out the door.

"I think this is going to be the best Sunday ever!" Freddie pumped his fist and Carly faked an enthusiastic smile in agreement before letting him go on ahead of her.

"Oh it will be. For me and Freddie anyways," Carly monologued as she shut the door to the apartment and locked it. "Sam...not so much."

--After Church--

"Wow, Mrs. Benson. I never realized how amazing church was," Spencer complimented as they all exited the church and stopped for a moment in the parking lot.

"Yeah...amazing," Sam smiled in agreement.

"See I told you it would be amazing," Freddie added.

"But you never enjoyed it before," Carly shook her head in confusion.

"Freddie!" Mrs. Benson loked at her son with a disapproving frown.

"Oh no, Mrs. Benson, I didn't mean anything. I mean," Carly immediately felt bad. "Please don't be angry with Fredward!"

"Fredward?" All of the others said in shock simultaneously at the sound of Freddie's full name from Carly.

"What?" Carly looked at them all as innocently as possible. "It's a cute name."

"Yeah right," Sam and Freddie responded unenthusiastically at the same time, causing Freddie to stare at Sam with infatuation while Carly glared at her best friend.

"Is everything okay with them?" Mrs. Benson leaned over and asked Spencer with concern. The only answer she received was a boyish giggle at how close they were standing. "Let me rephrase that...are _you_ okay?

Spencer giggled again, but then coughed and straightened his face. "Everything's perfect with you around, Mrs. Benson. May I call you Stacy?"

"My name is Barbara. And was that a compliment or were you insulting my type A personality? I can never tell."

"I could never insult you," Spencer sounded sincere.

"Since when?" Mrs. Benson asked. "You and Carly insult my intelligence all the time. What about when you tried to convince me a new no bunched pantyhose law was passed?"

Spencer hung his head in shamed and he fidgeted his toes as he looked at them. "I was a child then."

"It was yesterday!"

"Yes...yes, it was," Spencer shot his head back up. "And today...today I am a man!"

"Yes. You. Are." Sam nodded towards Spencer with an approving grin.

Spencer returned the smile nervously before leaning over to Mrs. Benson and asking in a whisper, "Does she seem weirder than usual today?"

Mrs. Benson simply looked at Spencer in disbelief. "Okay, everyon in the car now," she gave a weary sigh.

"But mom, aren't we going to get ice cream across the street like usualy..." Freddie protested, not realizing his mom was already on edge.

"NOW!" Mrs. Benson demanded and pointed towards the car.

"I LOVE your angry voice," Spencer cheered and bounded towards the car yelling "shotgun!" the entire way.

--

After driving for a few minutes, Mrs. Benson had begun to feel bad for ruining her and Freddie's Sunday ice cream tradition and decided to pull into the nearest ice cream shop she found, much to the delight of the whole carload.

"Thanks for the ice cream, Stacy," Spencer said with a big smile as he sat down in the seat across from Mrs. Benson.

She set her spoon down as patiently as possible and forced a smile. "Spencer, my name is Barbara. Not Stacy. Now you can call me by Barbara if you wish, but for the last time, not Stacy."

"I know. I was just messin' with you, Mrs. Be...I mean, Barbara!" Spencer blushed and stuffed his mouth with a spoonful of ice cream followed by another and another very rapidly.

"Spencer. Spencer. Brain freeze! Spencer!" Mrs. Benson attempted to warn him, but with no response. She sighed and went back to her own lowfat sherbert.

Meanwhile, Freddie sat in between Carly and Sam at the bar vying for Sam's attention, who gazed at Spencer from afar, while Carly vyed for his attention.

"So, Sam," Freddie started slowly. "Any plans for Valentine's Day?"

"Besides trying to convince Gibby he's got a scret admirer and hanging out with my best friend and the sorry likes of you, no, not really," Sam answered, annoyed to haver her creepy gaze interrupted. "Although, I might actually buy an anonymous rose this year."

"Aw, are you going to send it to yourself to make up for the fact you never get any. Ever." Carly shot coldly as she took a bite of ice cream.

"Last time I checked, receiving an allowance worth of roses from the same nerd doesn't constitute for popularity," Sam answered without even turning to look at Carly.

"Ooh, big words just to say you're jealous," Carly mocked.

"Jealous?" Freddie echoed, a hopeful tone in his voice.

"It sounds to me like you're the one who's jealous," Sam stood up, finally losing her patience. Usually Carly was the one person she put up with for longer than anyone else, but this was unlike her friend. "Face it. You can't stand that Freddie's moved on and you missed out."

"Wow, you're not just jealous, you're also dillusional!" Carly sneered as she too jumped off of the barstool, her ice cream still in hand as she did.

"Oh really? Dillusional?" A devilish grin crossed Sam's face. She then turned to Freddie and smiled as coyly as possible. "Freddie, do you really think this dress is pretty on me?"

"Absolutely," Freddie responded in a heartbeat.

"Who's dillusional now?" Sam smirked as she looked back at Carly.

Carly fumed to the point she couldn't control herself. "Still you." Carly took her ice cream and plopped it onto the front of the dress.

Sam looked down in shock and then turned an angry and fixed gaze at Carly. "Okay, that's it!" Sam was about to lunge at Carly when Spencer ran by yelling "brainfreeze!" as he held his head.

"I told you to eat slower!" Mrs. Benson chided as she hurried behind. "Come on, we better get him home so...Sam!" She stopped when she saw the mess on Sam's dress. "What happened?"

"_She_ dumped her ice cream on me!" Sam pointed her finger angrily.

"Carly?" Mrs. Benson looked at her and then back to Sam. "Are you sure it wasn't an accident?"

"Ugh!" Sam stamped past Freddie's mom. "Of course you wouldn't believe me over her!"

"Mom!" Freddie stood up quickly. "Sam's right. Carly dumped her ice cream on her. They got into a huge fight and Carly got mad and couldn't control herself, and I guess Sam didn't help matters, so it's just a huge misunderstanding," Freddie decided to defend them both since the both were still his friends despited his odd new crush on Sam instead of Carly.

"Will this day ever end?" Mrs. Benson was beyond her own breaking point. "Alright you two, we'll discuss all of this when we're back to your apartment, Carly. I'm sure your brother will have some things to say too when he can think clearly, well, as clear as Spencerly possible, again. Now get moving."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not know Ashton Kutcher or Demi Moore nor do I have any say in anything they do!

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Chapter 4

After returning to the Shay apartment, Mrs. Benson had first dictated to Spencer exactly what to do to make sure his brain freeze didn't worsen or come back with a vengence later. And although his headache had worn out by the time he had reached the apartment, he took it as an oppurtunity for a little tlc from the older woman.

Upon making sure Spencer was asleep, as she decided a nap was in order, Mrs. Benson set about fixing the problem with Carly and Sam. She'd first made Sam change back into the clothes she'd had on earlier, and then went to work removing the ice cream stain from the dress, all the while she demanded the two girls to sit on the couch and think about what had happened.

Eventually, Sam got sick of sitting around saying nothing and got up and left. She certainly wasn't afraid of Freddie's mom. Of course, she figured this would give Mrs. Benson all the more reason to choose Carly's side, but she didn't really care. The only thing that did concern her was how she could go visit Spencer if she was fighting with his sister.

Finally, Freddie and his mom left, but not before Mrs. Benson could get one more thought in edgewise, "Carly, I don't know exactly what is going on between you and Sam, but she is still your best friend. And while I think you could have made a better choice, it's not something you take lightly. Of course, maybe for Freddie's sake it's for the best."

"MOM!!" Freddie exclaimed in frustration as he and his mom returned to their own apartment across the hall.

Carly thought about what Mrs. Benson had said but then rolled her eyes and turned on the television to drown out any further thoughts. Of course, Spencer wasn't about to let her be so lucky as he woke up and joined her in the living room.

"So what happened earlier?" he asked as he sat down next to her on the couch. "You and Sam hardly said two words to each other after that crazy fight you had. Unless I couldn't hear you when my brain was frozen."

"No," Carly sighed, "we're not talking." She continued to stare indifferently at the television screen.

"That's not like you guys," Spencer spoke with brotherly concern. "The two of you hardly fight. But man! When you do..." he let his sentence trail. "Do you want to tell me exactly what happened anyways? Because this whole day had been weird if you ask me."

"Yeah, that's for sure," Carly agreed, squinting her eyes a little as she thought about it. "It's like we all woke up dizzy or something. I mean, like what was with you hanging all over Mrs. Benson?"

"She happens to be a wonderful woman," Spencer explained.

"Are you kidding? She's psychotic!"

"Now, Carly, please don't talk about Barbara that way."

"_Barbara?_ Oh no. No, no, no, no." Carly stood up and turned to look down at her brother. "I forbid you from getting romantically involved with Barbara, I mean, Mrs. Benson!"

"Why?" Spencer stood up defiantly as Carly began to pace around the coffee table. "Because she's an older woman? Ashton seems to be pretty happy so why can't I be?"

"What!?" Carly stopped and looked at her brother in confusion. "No! Because if you marry Mrs. Benson, then Freddie would be my nephew. And I can't marry my nephew! It's just wrong!"

"Aha! So that's what's going on with you and Sam," Spencer wasn't always the first to put one and one together, but remembering Freddie and Sam on the couch from earlier made it suddenly clear why Carly had gotten upset with her best friend. "You were jealous of Freddie paying more attention to her instead of you. See, I told you this day was weird!"

"Oh yeah, well, Sam doesn't deserve him. He liked me first," Carly revealed her feelings to her brother. "I'm going to make sure he likes me again instead of that two-timing, purple people eater!"

Carly charged off to her bedroom leaving Spencer alone in a daze. "Purple people eater?"

--Late That Night--

"Come on, Sam," Freddie whispered into his PearPhone. "A Valentine's Day Wake Up, Spencer would be awesome. Fans would love us. You know you want to."

_Of course I want to!_ Sam thought to herself, liking the idea of an excuse to be near Spencer again. "Who cares if I want to. I'm not exactly at Carly's now am I? Sam let reason talk.

"That's true," Freddie changed his tone to a worried one. "It is late. And I wouldn't want anything to happen to you."

"Are you calling me chicken?" Sam took it as a dare. "I've been out later than this, nerd brain."

"No, no, I didn't mean anythin by it. I just meant...wait, you have?"

"Hello! Delinquent relatives. I'll be over there in ten to fifteen. Get your camera ready," Sam commanded before hanging up the phone.

Freddie smiled giddily as he grabbed his camera and quietly snuck out of his apartment. He then made his way down to the lobby to wait for Sam to arrive so he could let her in. As usual, Lewbert was asleep and not even an atomic blast, let alone a break in would wake him up. He was too busy dreaming of taking down people in his lobby with a bb gun.

The minutes passed by slowly, making Freddie imagine every worst possible scenario, but his fears were put to rest when Sam finally reached the building. "Oh thank goodness!" He opened the door, noting as he did that she was wearing pink pajama bottoms with red hearts. "Wow, you look amazing."

"Right. Because bed head and dorky pajamas are the new trend," Sam rolled her eyes and walked past Freddie.

"I only meant you look really good in pink," Freddie continued.

"Are you looking for a late night beating or something? Because you know I'm not that into pink." Sam pulled some lipstick out of her coat pocket and began painting Lewberts face with it.

"I know you aren't, but...what are you doing?" Freddie turned his attention to Sam's actions.

"I was going to use this during our Wake Up, Spencer segment, but this is better," Sam answered.

Freddie quickly turned on the camera and pushed record as Sam put the finishing touches on Lewbert's face. "Oh-hoh! That's good," Freddie cheered.

"I know," Sam boasted. "Alright, now lets go wake us up a hunk muffin."

"I'm already up," Freddie smiled flirtatiously.

Sam gave a slightly disgusted, slightly annoyed look. "Just go," she pointed to the elevator and Freddie went indignantly.

--A Few Minutes Later--

"I'm just saying, I think when we wake up Spencer, we should tell him you and I got married and now my mom is blaming him for driving us to Reno," Freddie argued quietly as he and Sam stepped off of the elevator and made their way to the Shay apartment.

"And I'm saying...no," Sam replied as she pulled out her copied key and let herself and Freddie in.

"Why not? Do you have anything better?" Freddie wouldn't give up.

"No, but there has to be something else we could do besides that. After all, it's Valentine's Day, not pretend you're married to a nerd day," Sam retorted, her thoughts scrambling for a better idea that Freddie would be into.

"We don't have all night to come up with a better plan, Sam. Just play along...please?" Somewhere in the back of his mind, Freddie knew it was weird for him to be begging Sam to pretend they were married but he couldn't help himself.

Sam looked at her watch and realized he was right. "Ugh, okay, fine. But it doesn't mean anything, got that," Sam trudged towards Spencer's bedroom.

"Maybe not yet," Freddie smiled and said to himself as he followed. Once there, he turned on the camera and he and Sam prepared for the segment.

"Look, shh...there he is," Sam gave her usual intro as she tiptoed in the dark towards Spencer's bed. "Aww, isn't he just adorable. Wakey, wakey."

"Spencer, wake up!" Freddie and Sam yelled in unison causing Spencer to sit up quickly in a half-concious state.

"What? What's going on!?"

"Spencer, we're in horrible trouble!" Sam said in a panicky voice.

"Why? What happened?" Spencer looked around the room in a daze, not really seeing either of his little sister's friends.

"My mom found out what you did!" Freddie answered with just as much mock panic in his own voice.

"Wait, what'd I do?" Spencer tried rubbing his eyes a little.

"Hello! You took us to Reno to get married!" Sam replied, trying to surpress a giggle and a gag at the same time.

"What? We got married?" Spencer asked as his head drooped in sleepiness.

"NO!" Freddie quickly intervened before Sam could change everything up. "Sam and I got married. You took us to Reno to get married!"

"And now Freddie's mom is here and wants you dead!"

"What!? No! I don't want to be dead! I don't want to be dead!" Spencer said over and over as he shook around trying to break free from some imaginary hold. "I love you, Stacy! I mean Mrs. Benson! Please don't hurt me!"

"WHOA!" Freddie yelled in disgust. "That's sick! Spencer loves my mom?"

"Oh he does, does he?" Sam asked, her voice ridden with anger and jealousy. However, her anger suddenly turned to mischeivousness. She changed her voice as best she could, "Spencer Shay! How dare you let my, I mean, OUR Freddie get married! You're a horrible step-father!" Freddie tried to contain his laughter at her creative genius.

"I'm sorry, honey, I'm sorry!" Spencer had a sad expression on his face as he began sinking back down in his bed. "Kiss and make up?" he pouted before nodding back off entirely.

"Okay!" Sam smiled.

"Sam!" Freddie protested by grabbing her arm and pulling her back. "He's already asleep, see."

"Alright, alright," Sam backed off. "We should probably leave before Carly wakes up and finds us. Well, mainly me. She'd be fine seeing you."

"Be careful going home," Freddie said as Sam left and after giving a big sigh he quietly re-entered his own apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author Note: **They just had to go and give Freddie's mom a name before I finished this story... *sigh* What do you think? Keep Barbara throughout or change it mid story to Marissa? It's still Barbara in this chapter because I had already written this before _iHurt Lewbert_ aired. Which means, yes, I know, I should have updated sooner!

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Chapter 5

"Ah, another beautiful morni...sweet mother of jam what is that!" Spencer shot up out of his bed as he saw a giant card placed right beside it. He slowly got up to examine it more closely. On the front was a giant heart that actually looked like a heart and not the conventional Valentine rendering. He opened it up as carefully as he could and read the inside. In between two drawings of pushpins were the words **You're Stuck To My Heart, Valentine. **

"What happened?" Carly came into the room. "I heard you from the kitchen and...sweet mother of peanut butter what is that thing?"

"Didn't you get it for me?" Spencer asked in confusion.

"No. Why would I get you a giant valentine?" Carly answered.

"Well, somebody got me a giant valentine and found a way to get it here so..."

"So what? I'm telling you it wasn't me," Carly reiterated.

"OOH! Maybe Mrs. Benson got Lewbert to let her in to our apartment so she could put this here," Spencer suggested excitedly as Carly looked at him in disbelief.

"And why would Lewbert do that?"

"Because she charmed him into doing what she wants. Not even Lewbert can resist someone like Barbara," Spencer smiled and nodded as if he knew he had solved the mystery.

"Okay, then, you keep thinking that. I need to go eat breakfast now or I'm going to miss the bus." Carly shook her head as she headed back out of the room. Midway, she stopped and shuddered at the thought of not only her brother and Mrs. Benson but Mrs. Benson charming Lewbert.

--Before Homeroom--

"I can assure you, my mom didn't charm Lewbert into letting her put a giant valentine in Spencer's room," Freddie replied to Carly after she told him about her morning. She had also explained to him her brother's weird crush, not knowing he'd already figured it out the night before.

"I know she didn't!" Carly looked at him like she thought that he thought she was an idiot. "Don't you think I'm smart?"

"Well, yeah, of course."

"And don't you like smart girls?" Carly smiled as attractively as she could.

"Huh?" Freddie's eyes widened, realizing Carly had taken the conversation an entirely new direction. "Whoa, now, uh, can't we go back to the giant valentine?"

"Ooh, what did Spencer think of it?" Sam asked as she joined them beside her and Carly's lockers.

"What?!" Carly and Freddie shouted at the same time.

"What? I thought it was a cute idea," Sam shrugged in innocence. "I can give valentines to whoever I want," she defended.

"She's right," Freddie grunted, but then perked up. "Give one to me next?"

Sam rolled her eyes, pulled out her notebook and wrote something down. She then ripped out the paper and handed it to Freddie.

"Happy Valentine's Day, you big nerd!" Freddie read it out loud and then smiled contentedly. "I'll cherish it always."

"Ugh!" Sam turned and walked toward their homeroom.

Carly stood in place for a moment, gaping at how Freddie stared at the paper with a lovesick puppy dog look in his eyes. She then slammed her locker to snap him out of it before turning to follow Sam as she yelled after her, "I just remembered...I'm still mad at you!"

--Before Lunch--

"Seriously, how did you get the card into Spencer's room?" Freddie asked Sam as she sat on the stairwell banister writing Samantha Shay over and over in her notebook.

"Duh. How did we get in to do the segment?" Sam didn't bother looking up from what she was doing.

"Okay, but how did you find the time?" Freddie couldn't figure out how Sam could have managed it.

"When I got home, my mom was yelling in her sleep and snoring like a chainsaw. So, I made the card and brought it over first thing this morning," Sam answered nonchalantly.

"Okay, I guess...wait...your mom yells in her sleep?" Freddie looked at her questioningly.

"Believe me, it scares me too. Now would ya get out of here," Sam made a shooing motion with her hand. "I'm busy."

"Homework?"

"Ew, gross," Sam gave a disgusted look at the suggestion.

Freddie glanced at her notebook and saw what she was doing. He then gave is own disgusted look as he turned and trudged away. Once he was far enough away, he began pacing and thinking to himself. "I have to make her see I'm a great guy, but how?"

"Attention students," the secretary came over the school's P.A. system. "Don't forget to buy your tickets for the afterschool V-Day Bash. Tickets won't be sold at the door. So remember, last period is your last chance."

"Perfect. By time the Bash is over," Freddie said aloud, "Samantha Puckett will want me and no one else."

"Sam?" Gibby wore an astonished expression as he watched Freddie hurry off towards the bookstore to buy tickets to the Bash. He couldn't believe what he had overheard. He turned and hurried over to Carly's locker.

"Well?" Carly asked impatiently.

"I started to ask him but he was busy talking to himself," Gibby replied.

"Gibby! I wanted you to ask him if he was taking anyone to the Bash and then subtly drop hints that he should take me!" Carly threw her hands up in dissatisfaction.

"Everyone's gone loopy!" Gibby exclaimed dramatically. "You like Freddie? Freddie likes Sam? What kind of parallel place is this?!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up," Carly stopped his over the top breakdown. "Freddie likes Sam for sure? He told you?"

"Well, not exactly. But I heard him saying that by the end of the Bash, Sam would want him and no one else."

"I see," Carly furrowed her eyebrows as she thought about what Gibby had said. "Well, we'll just see about that," Carly gave an near-evil grin.

"Loopy, I tell you!" Gibby shouted and took off running like a maniac.

--Lunch--

"Hey, Carly," Jake smiled and sat down next to Carly at the lunch table.

"Oh, hey, Jake," Carly responded, much less enthusiastic than she would be under normal circumstances.

"So, I saw your webshow," he said. "It was cool. Except that smoothie guy was just weird. How'd that turn out?"

"Hmm?" Carly asked, proving her mind was somewhere else. "Oh, um, yeah, he was definitely weird. Nothing really happened, I don't think. Well, except that he stole Spencer's bendy straw. But he'll live. The footage is up on the site."

"Right, guess I've been preoccupied with breaking up with Stephanie," Jake sneaked in the comment a little shyly. He waited for a response.

"Aww," Carly said with friendly concern. "That's so sad."

"Well, yeah, I guess..." Jake was a little taken back by her response. "But I'm through with the drama," he continued. "It was different when we were younger, but it's obvious we're two totally different people now."

"Yeah, it's tough," Carly nodded, her eyes scanning the cafeteria for Freddie.

"So...I feel like I owe you an apology.

"Why?" Carly finally looked at him, but in confusion.

"I jumped to conclusions about you and Freddie instead of just believing you and I'm sorry."

"Right..." Carly laughed nervously. "So, Jake, um, about that...I..."

"No, don't worry about explaining. I trust you when you say you and Freddie are just friends," Jake was oblivious to Carly's sudden change in feelings for Freddie. "Right now I just want us to be more than friends."

"You do!?" Carly didn't know how to react. Normally, this would have been the moment she'd hoped for. But now, instead, she felt awkward.

"Yeah, I do," Jakes smiled a little shyly. "I mean, I wanted it before, but I guess I wasn't quite ready to move on from Stephanie. I'm sorry if I hurt you. Can you give me another chance?"

"Jake, I..." Carly hesitated. She saw Freddie enter the cafeteria, making her decision even harder. She wanted Freddie now, but she didn't want to hurt a sweet guy like Jake, Then again, he had hurt her, she argued with herself. "Jake, I'm speechless," she said simply.

"Is speechless a good thing?" Jake asked hopefully.

"Well, I..." Carly didn't answer immediately, her thoughts were too busy. Again she looked at Freddie, only to find him now following Sam towards the table with wide eyes. "Yes...!" She said suddenly, not even sure where it came from. "Yes, Jake, I'll give you another chance," she smiled, but it was forced.

"Well would you like to go to the Bash with me?" he asked as he jumped up from the lunch table bench.

"Sure, sounds fun," she faked another smile.

"Alright, well then, I'll go get the tickets and I'll meet you at your locker after school?" Jake confirmed their plans, received a nod of approval from Carly, and left her to get the tickets.

"Maybe Freddie will regret giving me up for Sam once he sees me in the arms of Jake," Carly smiled to herself mischeivously before Sam and Freddie finally reached the table.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author Note: **Yeah, I know. Should have updated a long time ago, but was just too busy. But now, with Valentine's Day so close, I'm looking to wrap this story up over the next few days, hopefully with the last chapter up by V-Day itself :) The only things to know about this chapter is, I have the school system based on a 7 period day, similar to my old HS and I decided to keep Mrs. Benson's name as Barbara.

I would just like to thank everyone who's been reviewing :)

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Chapter 6

"Spencer, can I talk to you?" Mrs. Benson enterered the Shay apartment uninvited.

Spencer jumped off of the chair where he'd been on the internet and looked at Mrs. Benson excitedly. "Of course you can, mon ami," he mispronounced the words so that it sounded like mahn amy.

"What?" Mrs. Benson wasn't even sure she knew what he meant. "You know what, there's no time for that. We need to talk about Carly and Sam. There's clearly something wrong between them and as the only steady adult in the girls' lives I feel like it's my responsibility to do something to help."

"I'm a steady adult," Spencer said a little hurt by her comment.

Mrs. Benson didn't answer immediately. "Fine, as the only steady woman in their lives, I feel like I should do something."

"It's not a big deal," Spencer shrugged. "It's just a little love triangle mess with Carly, Sam and Freddie. Nothing to worry about."

"Freddie!?" Mrs. Benson acted as though she'd just heard the worst words in the world. "What do you mean Freddie?"

"Isn't it obvious? Freddie suddenly likes Sam, but Carly suddenly likes Freddie so now Carly hates Sam."

"That's impossible. My Freddie could never like someone like Sam. It's just not humanly possible," Mrs. Benson refused to believe it.

"Anything is possible with love," Spencer tried to sound philosophical as he moved closer.

"Clearly there is something wrong with everybody. Especially you," she said with a disgusted look as she backed away towards the door. "And I plan on getting to the bottom of it," she quickly fled the apartment, shutting the door loudly behind her.

"Wow," Spencer stood their in a daze for a moment. "I think we just had a moment. Yeah, like a parenting moment or something," he nodded as he thought about it. "Yeah! I need to go blog!"

--Before 6th Period--

"So you want to put yesterday behind us?" Sam raised her eyebrows skeptically as she and Carly stood at their lockers. Carly had approached Sam about what had happened and had asked Sam if they could forgive and forget.

"Yeah, of course," Carly answered innocently enough. "I realize I was acting a little loopy yesterday. But I'm going to the bash with Jake now so it's all good."

"Right..." Sam didn't finish her thought because she spotted Freddie coming towards them, his footsteps quickening as he saw her. "Speaking of the bash...let's finish this conversation later." She slammed her locker and hurried in the direction of her and Carly's next class.

"Come on, Sam!" Freddie called after her. "You can't avoid me until the bash is over with."

"Who says I can't?" She yelled back.

"But I've already got us two tickets!" Freddie waved them as he called after her.

"Aww, how sad," Carly said in mock sympathy, all the while seething inside as she eyed the tickets.

"She won't even give me a chance," Freddie sighed. "Doesn't she even remember our ki..." he stopped himself, remembering he and Sam had promised to never tell anyone.

"You're what!?" Carly wanted him to finish, but he wouldn't. Suddenly, another idea popped into her head. "Look, why don't I talk to her for you. It would be cool if you guys went together, even if just as friends," she winked.

"Right..." Freddie nodded enthusiastically. "Good angle! She can't say no to those terms. Thanks, Carly."

"Don't mention it," Carly smiled as innocently as she could possibly manage. "You just go to that bash and I'll make sure Sam meets you there even if I have to drag her there myself." Freddie gave Carly a friendly appreciation hug and hurried off to his class.

"You don't plan on letting Sam anywhere near that place do you?" Gibby asked, coming out of nowhere, which startled Carly, making her jump a little.

"Nope," she shook her head back and forth. "Sam's going to have a little accident before last period. And you're not going to tell anyone what you know, got that?"

"Whatever you say," Gibby said with a gulp as he tiptoed away before running away in a panic.

--Shay Apartment--

"SPENCER!!!!" Mrs. Benson pounded on the Shay door with one hand while holding Freddie's laptop in the other.

"COMING!" Spencer could be heard from inside. As soon as she heard the door unlock, Mrs. Benson pushed into the apartment in a frenzy.

"Spencer, I..." She stopped as she turned around and realized Spencer had been taking a shower. He was only in a towel and his hair had lathered shampoo in it. "Not again," she looked away quickly and shuddered, remembering when they'd been indecently exposed in Japan. "Spencer, I know this is a bad time, but..."

"It's never a bad time for someone like you," Spencer said cutting her off.

"That's just it! That's why I'm here," she was on the verge of losing her patience completely. "I need you to look at this," she opened the laptop and cued what she wanted him to see as he came over to look at the computer over her shoulder.

"That's Saturday's iCarly webcast. Why do I need to see this?" He asked in confusion.

"Well, besides the fact that you let my Freddie drink a smoothie from a strange man," she almost sneered as she spoke through gritted teeth. "I think this is the answer to what's going on around here."

"You mean how weird it is for me to suddenly be in love with an old fogey like you?" Spencer asked with a laugh as Mrs. Benson stared at him in disbelief. "What? I mean old fogey in a loving way."

"Yes, among other things, that's exactly what I mean," she answered as she closed the laptop and set it down. "I think this man's strange smoothies worked. They must have some horrible chemical enhancement that's caused all of this."

"Or they could be magical love potions that show a person what their heart really wants," Spencer tried to sound romantic. "And my heart wants you, Barbara Benson." He flung out his arms dramatically.

"Sorry, but your heart's out of luck," Mrs. Benson said, scrunching her nose in a disgusted grimace as she said it. "Listen, we need to go talk to this phony love doctor and find out what's going on and if there's anything he can do about it."

--6th Period--

"4 the last time no," Sam texted, she and Carly carrying on a conversation unbeknownst to their history teacher as he lectured on and on about Custer's last stand.

"Come on jst as friends he alrdy got tix," Carly needed Sam to cave in so Freddie wouldn't accuse her of not even trying when Sam didn't show up.

"Thats his problem," Sam remained stubborn as she thought about Spencer instead.

"Do u like my bro?" Carly asked after a few minutes.

"Ya, duh u saw the card right?" Sam smiled as she texted her answer.

"I think hes gon b a chap the bash," Carly looked over at Sam's reaction as she read the text.

"Why didn't you say so?" Sam whispered.

"So you'll go?" Carly asked, wanting to be sure of her answer.

"Of course, I'll go!" Sam exclaimed louder than she had intended too, recieving a glare from her teacher. "Sorry, just got a little too excited about Custer?" she raised her hands questioningly. The teacher didn't really buy it, but really didn't care to do anything about Sam's outburst seeing as the bell was about to ring any minute. "Tell nerd boy I'll be there, but I'm not coming in with him because I don't want people getting any ideas, okay?" Sam instructed after the bell rang.

"Got it," Carly nodded. "I'll get the other ticket from him and give it to you last period then?"

"Fine," Sam rolled her eyes and went ahead of Carly. She headed towards their last period class, glad Freddie wasn't in it either. The only other person already there was Gibby and she noticed he was eyeing her strangely. "What's up with you, Gibby?" She sat her backpack down on her desk and then went over to stand in front of him.

"Nothing...nothing at all," he said nervously, tapping his fingers against the desk and trying not to make eye contact. "Why would anything be up?"

"You look like a nerd who knows too much," Sam glared at him relentlessly, knowing he would crack.

"OKAY!! I'll talk, just stop with the stink-eye!" Gibby shouted and Sam smiled as she waited for him to continue. "Carly's planning on doing something to you before the end of the period. I don't know what, but she said you'll have an accident. Something that will keep you from going to the bash with Freddie."

"WHAT!?" Sam's jaw drop and her face flushed red with anger.

"Gibby?! What have you done?" Carly's panicked voice came from the door way. Sam cringed as she turned and faced Carly with a furious look in her eyes that made Carly back away slightly. "Sam, it's not what you think. Really, I mean...AHH!" Carly wasn't able to finish as Sam lunged towards her. Carly ran through the hallway, chased by Sam. "I'm sorry!"

"Oh you're going to be sorry alright," Sam growled as she picked up the pace to catch her.

As Carly rounded the corner, she ran into Principal Franklin and when Sam rounded the corner she skidded to a hault. "What is going on here?"

"Sam wants to kill me!" Carly answered as she caught her breath.

"Sam?" Principal Franklin looked at Sam, waiting for her side of the story.

"Yeah, that pretty much covers it," Sam responded angrily.

"Alright, my office, now," Principal Franklin commanded and they both trudged in front of him, Carly eyeing Sam cautiously as they went.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author Note: **No matter how much I edit this chapter, it still feels weirdish to me. Maybe because the solution to the problem is so outlandish I can't even believe it myself :P Anyways, this will be the second to last chapter and the last one will be posted tomorrow night. I can hardly believe it really! Okay, so there's some Spanish in here, but I translated it to English in parenthesis for my non-Spanish speaking readers :) The idea came from a mock soap opera I once saw in English and I just took the idea and translated it to Spanish. Also, I still don't own Ashton Kutcher and I don't own Hayden Panettiere.

**

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Chapter 7

"Open up Dr. Blub!" Mrs. Benson screeched as she pounded on the door of the man's apartment.

"You know, as beautiful as your angry voice is," Spencer said half-nervously, half-admiringly, "I'm not sure if you're giving the man much of an incentive to open the door."

"Well, I'm certainly not going to lure the man out with cupcakes," she stopped what she was doing and looked at him.

"MMM, can we go for cupcakes after this?" Spencer's mind wandered easily.

Mrs. Benson rolled her eyes and began pounding on the door again. "Open up or I swear I will break down this door myself and it won't be the only thing I break!"

Suddenly a shuffling of feet could be heard from inside and the door opened slowly as Dr. Blub peered out just a little. "Yes?"

"We need to talk to you about your little smoothie concoction," Mrs. Benson glared at him as she spoke.

"And about my missing bendy straw," Spencer added angrily.

"Spencer, focus!"

"Sorry."

Dr. Blub looked back and forth at them like they were both crazy, but opened the door all the way to talk to them. "What do you want to know? If it's about needing a license..."

"No," Mrs. Benson couldn't deny that she was now more uncomfortable than before given his statement. "It's about the side effects."

"Oh, phew," Dr. Blub said relieved. "What side effects?"

"Well, for one thing, side effects like him thinking he has a thing for me," Mrs. Benson pointed at Spencer as Spencer nodded enthusiastically.

"Really?" He gave them a big smile. "Congratulations," he shook Spencer's hand. "Will you be needing a best man?"

"We're not getting married!" Mrs. Benson exclaimed, taking Dr. Blub off guard. "I want to know what's in your special smoothies and what can be done to remedy it?"

"Why would you want to remedy it? It's obviously working," he gestured towards the both of them.

"I'm only going to say this once, EW! Now, I expect you to answer the question," Mrs. Benson began to stare him down, hoping he would crack.

Suddenly, Spencer's cell phone rang and he pulled it out. "Spencer Shay speaking. Principal Franklin? What? That doesn't sound like , yeah, that sounds like Sam. I understand. Right. Okay, bye." He shoved his phone back into his pants pocket. "That was Principal Franklin. Apparently, Carly and Sam are in big trouble. Something about their fued over Freddie. He wants to speak to me when I go to chaperone the bash."

"They're letting you chaperone?" Mrs. Benson raised an incredulous brow.

"It was either me or Crazy Dan down at the docks," Spencer shrugged a little.

"I see," Mrs. Benson turned her attention back to Dr. Blub. "Did you hear that? Because of your little love potion, my son and his friends are out of their right minds. You're lucky I haven't reported you to the authorities for serving an unidentified drink to minors."

"Okay, okay, look, it's not as bad as you think," Dr. Blub said nervously. "The drink is harmless. But the remedy is a little weird. I really don't get why it works, but if it does..." he let his sentence trail.

"What!?" Mrs. Benson was out of the little patience she had to begin with.

"Well, you've got two options. The first option is you wait until a full moon. I don't know why, but 90 percent of all cases are solved after the occurence of a full moon," Dr. Blub explained.

"90 percent?" Spencer questioned the number. "Why 90 percent?"

"The other 10 percent use the other method," he said as though it was an obvious reason.

"But the next full moon isn't for another 17 days," Spencer told Mrs. Benson, who stared at him in disbelief. "What? I frequently watch the weather channel."

"Okay, so what is the other method?" Mrs. Benson asked, rolling her eyes a little as she did. "Because honestly, I don't see how a full moon is possible for solving anything."

"Look, lady, I just invented the smoothie. I didn't invent the remedy," Dr. Blub defended.

"That doesn't even make sense," Mrs. Benson groaned. "So, what's the other way to solve this?"

"It's simple really. The two people in question kiss and voila! Problem solved," Dr. Blub answered casually.

"Come again?" Mrs. Benson fluttered her eyelids, a little disturbed as she tried to process what he had said.

"Basically, the person or persons under the effect of the smoothie has to kiss the one their heart desires or thinks it desires in order to remove the effect," he explained again, more in detail. "It's pretty immediate and much more convenient than the full moon technique. I don't really get why it isn't the one with 90 percent," Dr. Blub shook his head, a curious expression on his face.

Mrs. Benson looked at Spencer a little uncertainly. "You're right. No idea at all," the sarcasm was evident in her voice. She took a deep breath and said the words she'd never thought she'd have to. "Spencer..." he looked at her like an eager puppy dog. "Kiss me."

Spencer's eyes widened and he went into a dazed state. "D-d-did you just say...?"

"Kiss me, Spencer," she said again, trying to sound more convincing.

A huge grin spread across Spencer's face. Before Mrs. Benson could change her mind and choose to just wait another 17 days, Spencer grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her, popping his leg out as he did. However, half way through the kiss his eyes opened wide and he realized what he was doing. "Oh. My. Gawd." He pulled away with a completely confused look. "I might as well have been kissing my mother!" He gave a disgusted look and began wiping his lips off.

"Hey! I'm not that old," Mrs. Benson looked at him, offended by his comment, but quickly pulled herself back to the problem at hand. "Oh, what am I saying, there's no time for that now. We have to get to the school before things get worse."

"You're absolutely right," he nodded quickly.

Mrs. Benson looked at Dr. Blub sternly. "And you're coming with us just in case," she pointed at him.

"Just in case what?" Dr. Blub looked at her with a slightly confused expression.

"I said just in case!" she shouted, sending both Dr. Blub and Spencer running down the hall.

"I _hate_ her angry voice," Spencer yelled to Dr. Blub as they ran, proving he was back to his normal self.

"Thank goodness," Mrs. Benson gave a sigh of relief before following after them briskly.

-- Detention --

"Okay, girls," Principal Franklin said to Carly and Sam as they sat down in the detention room. "While everyone else is enjoying themselves at the Bash, the two of you will be here. Afterwards, you'll both be in charge of cleaning up the gym."

"Yeah, whatever," Sam rolled her eyes, used to punishment and partly glad to have an excuse not to be at the bash with Freddie, even if he had insisted it would only be as friends. Carly just sighed as Principal Franklin left. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Carly got up and started for the door. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know why I'm even answering you, but to that bash. And you're coming too. If you don't show up, Freddie will think I lied about you going with him. And if I don't show up, I can't make Freddie jealous with Jake," she explained.

"Okay, usually I'm all up for ditching detention, but not if Principal Franklin's going to be right there where he can see me," Sam argued. "So Freddie and Jake are just going to have to dance with each other and like it," she rolled her eyes. "I mean, I'm in here instead of out there with Spencer, but you don't hear me complaining."

"Seriously, what is up with your sudden obsession with my brother? I mean, you know he's like 12 years older than you right?" Carly shuddered a little as she thought about it.

"Yeah, well, Hayden seems just fine," Sam retorted.

"Okay, first of all, Hayden is over 18," Carly furrowed her eyebrows as she talked. "And secondly, what's with the celebrity endorsements all of a sudden? First Ashton now Hayden? Just because celebrities do things, it doesn't mean normal people can."

"But aren't we kind of like celebrities?"

"Yeah, I guess so," she hadn't thought of it that way. Carly walked over to where Sam still sat and cleared her throat a little. "So, um, you _don't_ like Freddie? At all? Just my brother?"

"Of course I don't like Freddie," Sam pulled back in disgust. "So he can just go back to his dilussional hope of you ever loving him and be happy since you do now."

"Right," Carly laughed slightly, but then paused, eyebrows furrowing again as though she were trying to figure something out. "But that's just it..." she began to voice her thoughts. "Isn't it weird that he likes you now? I mean, not weird as in someone liking you is weird or anything like that, but it's just, before yesterday his attention was still focused on me."

"Yeah, well, before yesterday you weren't crazy for him either now were you? Guess you missed your chance," Sam only meant it teasingly, but Carly didn't laugh.

"Sam, I'm serious. There's something not right here. I mean, as much as I suddenly love Freddie, none of this adds up." Carly was still thinking hard, trying to figure out what was going on.

"I know. It's like we're on some crazy soap opera," Sam joked.

"_Spanish_ soap opera?"

"Of course!" Sam raised her hands as she said it, as if it were an obvious answer. "¿Es usted mi madre? (Are you my mother?)" Sam asked in Spanish.

"¡No! ¡No! ¡No! (No! No! No!)" Carly said dramatically.

"¿Es usted mi padre? (Are you my father?)" Sam asked another question.

"¡No! ¡No! ¡No!" Carly responded more aggressively, like a mother scolding her child.

"¿Es usted mi amiga? (Are you my friend?)"

Carly didn't answer immediately, but slowly she smiled. "¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí! (Yes! Yes! Yes!)"

"I'm glad you're still my friend," Sam also smiled, as she stood up and she and Carly hugged. "Who would have thought Freddie of all people would come between us?"

"Are you dissing my man?" Carly asked jokingly.

"¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí!" Sam answered and both girls laughed. "You know, that would be a fun segment for the webcast."

"Hey, yeah, that's a good..." Suddenly, Jake's words at lunch echoed in the back of Carly's mind. _Except that smoothie guy was just weird. How'd that turn out?_ "...idea!" Carly's eyes widened, causing Sam to wonder what was wrong. "Sam, we have to go find Freddie."

"Seriously? I done said you could have him," Sam looked at Carly weirdly. "You can't wait a few hours?" Sam chuckled a little.

"I'm not joking," Carly said as seriously as possible. "I think I might know what's going on here. Why you like my brother, why I like Freddie, and why Freddie likes you...come on!" Carly quickly pulled out their tickets and they sneaked out and towards the gym as fast as they could.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author Note - **OMG! Don't kill me everybody! There are a million different reasons why I never posted the final chapter. Mainly, I got confused and thought that I had. When I realized I hadn't, I was on my desktop because my laptop (which the file was on) was dead (just got it running again this past Friday). I'm so sorry. So, here's the final chapter. I apologize if, after such a long wait, anyone's disappointed. And please remember, I already said that there wouldn't be any definite pairings at the end (with the exception of Carly and someone). So, I'm sorry if that makes anyone angry with me. Still, you can take the end as however you want it to ;)

I just want to thank everyone who took the time to read and review my story. And for being patient with me!

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**Chapter 8  
**

"I knew it. I knew Carly was just lying so she wouldn't hurt my feelings. Sam didn't want to come with me and now Carly can't come up with an excuse," Freddie took a drink of his punch angrily as he talked to Jake.

"Well, maybe it's not you. Maybe it's me. Maybe she decided I didn't deserve another chance," Jake offered.

"Doubt it, Mr. Totally Awesome," Freddie rolled his eyes, still annoyed by Jake's ability to make any girl he wanted swoon, as he finished up his punch and squeezed the plastic cup.

"Okay..." Jake laughed nervously. "And Freddie, never refer to me as Mr. Totally Awesome again."

"Right, because that's my job," Carly said cheerfully as she and Sam came up behind them.

"Sam? You actually came?" Freddie looked at her, astonishment obvious on his face.

"Not for any reason you think," Sam answered before he could get any ideas, especially not now that Carly had thought she'd figured out the problem to their dilemma. She began looking around the gym for Principal Franklin. "Look, we need to get this over with," she said to Carly.

"Sam's right. Where's Principal Franklin?" Carly asked in a hushed tone.

"Oh, I saw him talking to your brother and some woman before I came in," Jake answered.

"Good, that gives us a little time," Carly appreciated Jake's response.

"Uh, Carls, you're forgetting we need to talk to your brother too," Sam pointed out and Freddie responded with a jealous expression.

"Yeah, well, we can handle that part later if we have to," Carly answered, all their vague speech finally making Jake curious.

"Carly, it may not be any of my business, but what's going on?" Carly looked at him hesitantly. She couldn't tell him she was now in love with Freddie and then expect him to actually believe her when she said it wasn't her fault but because of some smoothie.

"Jake, I..." Carly started, but Sam interrupted her.

"Ms. Briggs! If she spots us, she'll know we're out of detention. She _always _knows who has detention," Sam said with an aggravated huff.

"Wait? Detention?" Freddie and Jake shared confused glances.

"Yeah, detention," Sam answered snottily. She spotted Gibby nearby and a light bulb came on in her head. "Hey, Gibby, come here."

Gibby looked at Sam, also noticing Carly nearby, and gulped as he didn't know who to be more afraid of. He nodded weakly and came over. "Yeah?"

"Me and Sam need you to keep Ms. Briggs from seeing us," Carly instructed, knowing the scheme running through her friend's head. "Create some kind of distraction."

"Why should I?" Gibby questioned a little bravely, not sure if he wanted anymore to do with Carly's unusual schemes. He'd had about enough of Carly and Sam both for one day.

"Why? I'll tell you why," Sam threatened. "Because you totally snitched on Carly earlier when you promised you wouldn't. You owe her."

Gibby's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "But you're the one who made me snitch! You're the one who wanted to kill Carly for wanting to get rid of you," Gibby defended, not understanding at all what was going on. Jake looked at Freddie with raised eyebrows, but Freddie just shrugged his shoulders, also curious what Gibby was talking about.

"Look, sorry about everything, Gibby, but this is really important," Carly knew deep down Gibby was too nice to refuse if she apologized and meant it.

"Fine," just as Carly had expected, he gave in and trudged off to cause a distraction.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Jake still didn't know what was going on, but he decided he wanted to prove to Carly how much he cared.

"Actually, can you keep a look out for Principal Franklin? And if he's in here looking for us, we were never here okay?" Carly asked, wishing he could have been so sweet _before_ the webcast. Then maybe the smoothie would have worked it's magic on her for him and not Freddie. She then gave a sigh, "And Jake, thanks. Sorry I'm not much of a date. I promise I'll try to explain everything later. But you probably won't believe me when I do."

"Don't worry, Carly," Jake gave her a winning smile. "I promise I'll believe you from now on, no matter how crazy it sounds."

"Good...because I have a feeling it's gonna sound crazy," she nodded.

"Okay, Carly, time to get out of here," Sam said pointing towards the stage where Gibby had taken off his shirt and begun pounding on a set of drums.

"Good luck, you guys," Freddie wished them well, smiling at Sam as he did.

"Nuh-uh, you're coming with us," Sam shook her head and Carly grabbed him by the hand as they made a break for it. "You just wanted to hold his hand," Sam whispered, giving her best friend a sly look after they were out in the privacy of the hall.

"WHAT is going on here?" Freddie looked at them both in confusion.

"I'm not really sure," Sam answered truthfully. "Carly just said she needs to talk to you, me and Spencer about something."

"But since Spencer's not here, I'll just tell him later," Carly decided not to wait any longer. "I think we're all under the effect of Dr. Blub's love smoothies," Carly blurted.

"What!?" Sam hadn't been expecting such a lame reason from Carly.

"I'm serious. None of us started having feelings for anyone until sometime after the webcast. AFTER we drunk those smoothies. It's the only thing that makes sense, well, you know, even if it doesn't make too much sense at all," she explained with a shrug.

"Carly's right," Freddie nodded, his reasoning taking a slight hold again.

"I am?" Carly asked giddily, proving despite having figured it out, she still liked Freddie thanks to the smoothie.

"Yeah, you are. Because I first started having thoughts about Sam late Saturday night," Freddie admitted, looking at Sam hopefully as he did.

"So I guess that explains the heartwarming dream I had about Spencer Saturday night too," she smiled as she recalled it.

"Whoa...you had a heartwarming dream about me?" Spencer's voice startled them all and they turned to see Spencer, Mrs. Benson and Dr. Blub standing there. "I seriously had no idea you liked me."

"Really?" Sam, Carly, Freddie and even Mrs. Benson asked in unison as they all stared at him in disbelief. He shook his head as though he were ashamed of his oblivious nature.

"Look, kids, we have something important to tell you," Mrs. Benson started.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know. We're all under the effect of Dr. Blubber's stupid smoothies," Sam interrupted rudely.

Mrs. Benson was a little taken back. "You guys already know?"

"Carly just figured it out," Freddie explained.

"But do you know how to make everything go back to normal?" Spencer asked, in a slightly smug manner because he actually knew something they didn't.

"No, but is there a way?" Carly asked eagerly, more than ready to get things back to normal. As much as she liked Freddie, she didn't want to keep fighting with Sam and she realized if Freddie liked Sam because of the smoothie then all hope of him liking her back was gone.

"It's not the best way in the world," Mrs. Benson gave a disgusted face, "but there is a way. You have to kiss."

"Huh?" Carly raised her eyebrows a little. "Who has to kiss?"

"I guess you and Freddie," Mrs. Benson answered uncertainly. "I already had to kiss your...brother," she shuddered again which was followed by a shudder from the others.

"Whoa, now wait up. That means I have to kiss nerd boy here again?" Sam pointed at Freddie but then slapped a hand over her mouth when she realized what she'd said.

"You kissed Freddie? When?" Carly shouted the question, not able to even believe it.

"No, no, I haven't, I meant..." Sam started, but Freddie stopped her.

"Yeah, we've already kissed. See, there. I said it," Freddie proclaimed proudly, much to his mother's horror.

"But you said you didn't like Freddie," Carly glared at Sam. "You little liar. You do!"

"Hey, don't talk to her like that," Freddie defended as Sam rolled her eyes.

"Okay, you know what, I'm sick of this," Sam grabbed Freddie by the collar. "Just kiss her already." Freddie didn't respond immediately. "You've got ten minutes or so help me..." Sam didn't finish her threat, but instead started counting down the seconds loudly.

"What's crazy, is under normal circumstances, this would probably be the happiest moment of my life," Freddie chuckled a little before allowing Carly to kiss him.

"Carly?" Jake came out of the gym and saw Freddie and Carly kissing.

His voice pulled Carly to her senses as the effect of the smoothie wore off and she realized what was happening. She pulled away from the kiss and looked at Jake desperately. "Jake..."

"That was not strictly nasal," he said, his pride injured as he turned and went back into the gym angrily, not even waiting for an explanation.

"I hope you're happy," Carly snapped at Dr. Blub. "He's never going to believe me."

"Carly, I'm sorry," Freddie said with genuine sympathy.

"It's not your fault," Carly sighed. "Just kiss Sam so we can get this over with."

Freddie looked at Sam questioningly. "You heard her. Let's just get this over with," her words echoed the night they had shared their first kiss together.

"Okay," Freddie smiled. "But this time I can't promise I won't enjoy it." He paused before adding, "Well, not at first at least."

"Yeah, whatever, just..." she wasn't even able to finish as Freddie kissed her, eliciting a groan from his mom as she closed her eyes to from seeing what to her was the worst possible thing imaginable.

However, it wasn't long before reality set in and Freddie pulled away, much to Sam's delight. He looked at Carly frantically. "Carly, I didn't mean to..."

"Surprisingly, I wasn't too bothered by it," she responded. "But I _am_ glad that we're all back to normal."

"Not quite," Mrs. Benson chimed in as she looked at Sam and then Spencer.

"Hey now, you can't expect me to kiss a teenager. I mean, it's not even legal right?" Spencer looked at them all nervously.

"I guess she could just wait another 17 days," Mrs. Benson couldn't help but agree with Spencer on the matter.

"Or he could just kiss her on the cheek or something," Dr. Blub intervened as they all shot him a confused glance. "Hey, I never specified what kind of kiss. You just all assumed," he defended.

"What?" Mrs. Benson's face flushed. "You're telling me I didn't have to _kiss_ Spencer?" She looked as though she were going to kill him for not telling her sooner as she struggled to regain her composure.

"Man, your mom is psycho," Sam looked at Freddie. "So am I going to get my kiss or not?" She turned her attention back to Spencer.

"Uh..." Spencer darted his eyes around at them all nervously. Finally he bent down to give Same a kiss on her forehead. However, before he had a chance to dodge, Sam moved so that he hit her lips instead. "Foul!!" Spencer pulled back and pointed frantically at Sam who was silent in a daze for a moment.

After a few seconds, Sam's eyes refocused and she looked at Spencer. "Maybe, but it worked." Sam gave a disgusted look as she wiped her mouth.

"Yeah!" Spencer changed his tone quickly to a cheer, the others soon joining in.

"So, Sam, I guess we should get back to detention," Carly sighed as she remembered it.

"Actually, girls," Mrs. Benson stopped them. "We already spoke with Principal Franklin. He understands what happened today wasn't entirely your fault. So he's graciously decided to let it slide this time."

"Really!?" Carly asked excitedly.

"In that case, Carly, why don't you go find Jake instead," Sam winked at her friend, happy to have everything settled between them.

They all re-entered the gym as Carly went to find Jake. She spotted him standing against the wall. "Hey there, wallflower," she laughed nervously, but he didn't respond. "Look, Jake, I know that what you saw looks bad. And you have every right to completely ignore me, but I promise there was an explanation. The problem is, it's not very believable," she sighed and looked down at her toes.

"Look, Carly, before you say anything else," Jake turned and looked at her. "Just answer me one question. Do you like Freddie?"

Carly was glad she had waited to try and explain things to Jake. "No," she answered with a smile.

"Then I believe you. And whatever you tell me, I'll believe that too," his expression seemed to say he was being honest and Carly stood there flabbergasted.

"Really? Just like that?" Carly couldn't believe her luck.

"I promised remember?" Jake smiled, taking her hand. "And I know the last time I didn't believe you, I spent weeks regretting it. I'm not going to make that mistake again."

"Aww, Jake," Carly blushed a little. "So, um, do you want to, you know, dance?" Jake nodded as they joined other students already dancing.

"Figures," Freddie shook his head as he and Sam watched Carly and Jake begin dancing together. "The one time Carly likes me, I had to go and like you."

"Hey now, I'm the one who had to put up with being crushed on by a nerd," Sam retorted, not about to let Freddie feel sorry for himself during one of Carly's happiest moments.

"Yeah, and I'm the one who spent almost his entire week's allowance on tickets for the both of us," Freddie responded back with just as much bite in his tone. "The least you could do is say thank you."

"You know what..." Sam started, but didn't finish. She let out an annoyed sigh. Inside she was kicking herself for letting his comment get to her. "I'd say two kisses equals at least one dance."

"What?" Freddie eyed her curiously.

"You heard me. I'm here as your d-d-d...here with you as a friend." She couldn't bring her self to say the word. "Friends can dance together can't they?" Sam asked nonchalantly, not making eye contact.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Freddie gave a small smile. "But this time we can't keep it between us. Everyone's going to see us dancing," he pointed out.

"Please. If anyone tries to make something of it, I'll beat them until it doesn't even hurt anymore," Sam responded aggressively. "So let's just dance already," she rolled her eyes and they joined Carly, Jake and the other students.

"I can't believe Freddie's actually...no I can't even say it," Mrs. Benson sighed as she saw her son dancing with Sam. On the one hand, she was happy to see him at his first school dance. On the other hand, she had to settle for the fact it was with Sam.

"Let them have fun," Spencer said as though he knew what was best. Suddenly, he looked at her curiously. "Sooooo..." he started.

"I'm _not_ dancing with you, Spencer," Mrs. Benson blurted before he could finish.

"Right. Of course," Spencer looked away quickly, feeling foolish for even asking. There were a few seconds of silence. "Punch?"

Mrs. Benson looked at Spencer bemusedly and smiled. "Sure."

**The End**


End file.
